I am moving this weekend and there are so many tasks I must accomplish today. I feel like I am finally alone in my life, which also means there is nobody to help. That’s okay. I find I’m surprised to think that, but it’s true. Yes I’m alone, and I like it for a change. I have finally sloughed off all the friend and family who insisted in controlling me. I still love them all, but good grief people I am my own person after all. I have a right to live the life I want not the one they wanted for me. Not the one they wanted me to provide for them. I believe some of the decisions I have been making lately are decisions I was too afraid to make for so long. Well guess what, I’m not afraid anymore. I can walk alone. I can hold my head up high and be proud of who I am. I really like myself. "You can’t please everyone, so you got to please yourself" when Ricky Nelson sang those words I didn’t know how moved I would be by them all these years later.
My sister tried to tell me last night how worried and concerned "everyone" is by my "addiction" to the internet and to the game "Evony". I asked her who "everyone" was and she said "Well me, Laura…." I told her I didn’t much care what Laura thought of my life style. She said that I should. "Good Gravy Miss Molly Pass The Biscuits Please!!!" Precisely the kind of thing I was talking about. You can’t let other people rule your life. I don’t care how hard it is to break with tradition. If the tradition includes you denying yourself a shred of happiness to preserve some silly notion of what your family feels is the way you should live. For the first time in my life I am going to do what I want, when I want. I am not cutting people out, I am merely learning that what they want for me may not be what I want myself, and if that is the case then they will have to adapt to me, not the other way around.
My friend in Tassie is so paranoid that his family won’t approve of me that he is paralyzed with fear. In his huge heart I think he knows that I might just be the perfect woman for his life, but because I don’t fit the description of his family’s ideal mate, he will sit back and watch it all fall apart between us. I can picture him in my mind’s eye so will, and the grief it causes me is nearly unbearable. I don’t care that my family is totally against me loving him, I just do. I can no more stop the feelings I have for this man than stop breathing. He is tossing and turning at night and getting grouchy from lack of sleep. I can tell him that this is unfulfilled desire, but I doubt that he would believe me. So I have elected to stay away from our rendezvous spot for a few days while I sort things out for myself. He confessed to me that he checks several times a day to see if I am on-line yet, so he must have it as bad as me, right? This may sound bizarre to some of you, but staying away from chatting with him is going to be nearly unbearable. I can’t believe how much I crave the few words that we share each day. I told him that I am planning on bumming around Europe when I retire. I told him perhaps he will track me down and we can share a glass of wine and a few laughs.
I am not having a meltdown. I refuse to believe that the choices I am making are detrimental to my life style, honestly they are quite beneficial. There has to come a point in each of our lives when we finally stand up and say, "Enough." I have had enough of other people telling me what sort of life I should lead. Where I should live, what I should eat or drink. What kind of car I should buy. Who I should love or not love. No, I am not melting I am growing quite firm in my resolve to have what I want for a change. So as Dylan said, "Get out of the doorway, don’t block up the halls, For the Times they are a changing."
Blessed Be!
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Hi Deborah, and good on ya girl. I could so realte to much of what you have shared here. I too once used to worry what other people wanted but not no more. Years and years I spent bending over backwards until I thought my back would snap and the weight of everyone elses problem on my shoulders, trying to please everyone but myself. Not wanting to hurt anyones feelings or even say no because I knew they\’d just give me a hard time about it.I think there comes a time when you have to let go and find yourself, live your life for yourself and not for other people how ever hard those choices may seem at the time. People will probably say you\’re being selfish but you ain\’t, that\’s just because you ain\’t doing what they want. Sod em I say can\’t live it for others just yourself. When I realised this revilation and not all that long ago really it was like a huge weight was lifted. I speak my mind now and I don\’t give myself a hard time for it either lol. You can\’t please everyone all of the time and if it was up to them you\’d never get chance to please yourself so you please yourself from now on and don\’t ever feel bad about it. Granted you may make a boo boo the odd time but it\’s allowed hehehe.Sending bright blessings to light the path xxx
These people that are concerned have been with you during your worst times, right? And yes, it\’s time to spread your wings. I have faith in you that you will do the right thing maybe not always popular but you\’ll do fine. Much love and hugs.
My mother wants me to have a child ( infertility stops that) my dad wants me to lose weight (sadness and comfort eating stops that) only my husband loves me as i am and support me in all i wish to do. parents are soon passed husbands around hopefully a lot longer. Tell your family to sort there own house.!!!!
People ,family, friends want you in there image. Rightly, Louise says,live your life for yourself and not for other people. How I regret not setting out on my adventure half a life ago.
We need to be our own person dont let them drag you down dear I always have people tell me I should do it this way or that way but where are they when it needs done nowhere to be seen thats where so I do it my way and the best I canKeep the peaceGreg
Thats sound almost like french WW11 music am I close I have no clue just asking
Dear Deborah, I have been alone for nearly ten years and do exactly what, when and where I want. With exception of time spent in hospitals every two weeks for three or four days. Even there I have found my way around and enjoy my freedom when not hooked up to bags of chemo or in appointments. Have found ways to get online in most facilities, spend time in hospital libraries, chat up the staff and other Veterans as I bide my time away from home. I do have a feeling that this move is just the thing you need andAs ever be well
It seems to me that you have the right approach, especially if you\’re not happy in your current situation. There is a huge difference between "Harm None" and "Please Everyone". My very best wishes for you on your chosen course.Peace, Doc
Be your own person .I am my own person and no one controls me
Im at this exact stage right now, at 27 im starting to get so tired and empty because of control and manipulation from those around me .. for the first time ever im starting to be politely and ever so slightly assertive, and just be my own person .. take my footsteps forwards without a hand dragging me back, a hand crushing me down, a hand pushing me back … You just inspired me with your words deeply – Thankyou
very good post hun xxx